When you refuse me
You confuse me
What makes you think I'll let you in again
Think again my friend
Go on misuse me and abuse me
I'll come out stronger in the end

And does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door pick up the phone
You wont find me cause I'm not coming home

You do not know how much this hurts me
To say these things that I don't want to say
But have to say them anyway
I would do anything to end your suffering
But you would rather walk away

And does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door pick up the phone
You won't find me cause I'm not coming home

"Ga pengen lupa. Pengen ikhlas." - Cecilia Christy Chandra




"Begini lebih baik. Karena Allah udah ngasih jalannya buat jadi begini." - Intan Btari Dwiastuti




"Udah kelas XI mah berpikirlah rasional, jangan mikir main hati. Bentar lagi dewasa." - Taufik Arief




"Move on, Ri. Pasti bisa." - Anisa Fitria Dewi




"Waktu kamu terlalu berharga kalo dihabisin cuma buat mikirin orang kaya dia." - Annisa Amalia

No.. Vember

Ini hari ke-3 di bulan November dan udah 3 hari perasaan aku ga karuan. Campur aduk. It's a bad way to start my November. So bad. Really bad.

Kenapa ya disaat aku pengen lupain sesuatu, pasti ada aja yg bikin inget. It stress me out. Dan hari ini ngalamin kejadian yg... Ugh! So not!

Pas istirahat solat Dzuhur, tiba-tiba pengen diem di depan kelas. Kebetulan sehati sama Desi jadi kita ber2 diem di depan kelas. Nah gatau kenapa aku teh pengen cerita sama Desi. Pas lagi cerita, mata aku tertuju ke arah ruang guru dan...

Shock.

Shock maksimal.

SHOCK!

SHOCK MAKSIMAL!

Sebenernya dari pagi mau berangkat sekolah teh kepikiran terus and what popped in to my head itu..
"kalo ketemu gimana ya?"
"kalo ketemu, aku harus ngapain?"
"kabur aja gitu? Atau pura-pura ga liat?"
"atau senyum doang? Atau nyapa?"
Dari berangkat sampai pelajaran olahraga tuh ituuu terus yg dipikirin. Entah mungkin feeling atau apa..

Penasaran, aku ngajak Desi buat lewat depan dia. I even have no guts to stare at his face. Pas lewat cuma bisa nunduk but his sight at me.. I can feel it! But he didn't say hi! Kaya ga kenal aja gimana. Hurts.. Damn hurt.

Pas balik lagi. Masih sama. Ga berani liat mukanya tapi aku bisa ngerasain pandangan dia ke aku. And again, dia ga nyapa. Hurt.. Damn hurt. Again.

Begitu deket wc cowo, liat ada Rahma dan tanpa basa-basi langsung nangis di pundak dia. Ga kira-kira lagi, nangisnya pun sampe sesenggukan.

Begitu udah tenang, dateng Amal. Nangis lagi di pundak Amal.

Begitu udah tenang (lagi), dateng Nadhira dan nangis (lagi). Nadhira pun ngajak solat. Sesudah solat, cuma bisa berdoa yg terbaik buat dia, semuanya.

Pas bel pulang, datang Ipey. Ngegabruk langsung cerita sama dia. Dan ternyata dia ngobrol pas istirahat. Langsung sedih. Ipey ngobrol dan aku ngga. Terus Ipey nunjukkin foto mereka. Langsung nangis (lagi dan lagi). Ipey punya foto lagi berdua knp aku ngga.. Frankly, kangen banget. Tapi dianya kaya gitu.

Total hari ini nangis udah berapa kali coba tuh. Cengeng banget sih, Ri. What a shame.

Sebenernya yg bikin sakit hatinya tuh kalo inget sama janjinya: "kalo aku ke 4, aku pasti ngabarin kamu"

What a bullshit.

Kenapa sih, Ri? Kenapa nangisin orang yg belum tentu peduli kalo kita nangisin dia? Kenapa sih, Ri? Kenapa mikirin orang yg belum tentu mikirin kamu? Kenapa sih, Ri? Kenapa peduli sama orang yg ga peduli sama kamu?

Pernah nemu quote kaya gini: "we ignore who adore us and adore who ignore us" dan quote ini tuh bener banget! How ironic life could be, eh? Eh?

Tapi yaudah deh, suatu saat Riany pasti bisa ko lupain. Suatu saat, ini semua akan jadi kenangan untuk ditertawakan. Pasti.

► Nina - Someday

Alesan aku pengen lupain itu.. Pertama, aku kesel. Kedua, aku kecewa. Ketiga, aku cape. Keempat, aku marah. Kelima, aku juga mikir, kalo aku deket terus tapi malah menyulitkan buat apa diterusin kan? So, I leave. I'm pretty sure it's the best way for each of us.

► Kahitna - Aku Punya Hati

► Adele - Someone Like You


"All I need is music and my best friends to forget you and your lies" - @ohteenquotes

► Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera - Moves Like Jagger

Rahma, Nadhira, Amal, Ipey, makasih atas pundaknya. Amat sangat berarti banget. Amat. Sangat. Banget. <3

Pernah merasa muak? Pernah merasa jenuh? Pernah merasa cape? Yakin laah pasti banyak yg pernah.

Pernah merasa muak, cape dan jenuh karena dapet masalah yg sama terus.. Dan terus.. Dan terus.. Terus-terusan? Pernah? Aku lagi ngerasain itu banget. Rasanya, semesta itu ga pernah ngijinin aku buat hidup bahagia #eeaaaa. Lebay maksimal.

Ngga. Ga gitu juga sih.

Rasanya tuh kaya gini, saat kamu udah nemuin kebahagiaan dan kamu nemuinnya tuh susah payah bgt udah sampe keringet darah. Lebay maksimal. Lagi. Tiba-tiba kebahagiaan itu dimakan sama monster raksasa rakus yg warnanya hijau, telinganya kaya Shrek, lubang hidungnya gede, bibirnya jeding, lehoan, mukanya cengo ga ada dua, perutnya buncit, pake celana pendek warna coklat yg udah lusuh. Spesifik.

Rasanya kaya buang-buang waktu.


-----


Habis manis sepah dibuang. Pernah digituin? Rasanya gimana? Mungkin ya rasanya tuh bagai meluncur bersama paus akrobatis dan melihat rasi bintang paaaling manis.

Ngga. Ga gitu.

Rasanya.. Ga bisa digambarin. Disuruh ngegambarin gimana rasanya tuh kaya nyuruh anak kecil ngerjain gambar perspektif. Susaaaah..
Rasanya.. Udah berasa jus pisan yg dicampur pepaya, belimbing, apel, mangga, alpukat, stroberi, blueberry, dicampur lagi Dancow Oreo yg di Bunda bakwan. Ga enak. Jus pisangnya aja udah ga enak apalagi kalo dicampur yg lain.

Kenapa jadi ngomongin jus pisang?

Skip.

Ngerasa dimanfaatin pisan lah. Dateng kalo lagi senengnya doang. Udah ga ada urusan lagi mah yaudah. Bye. That's so jleb, fyi.

-----

Btw, I just made a progress. Tadi malem baru aja ngehapusin sms sms yg ga penting dan nomer yg amat sangat tidak penting. So proud of myself. PROUD!

Inget bgt, Chess pernah bilang gini "susah bukan berarti ga bisa kan?"
Dan... Omongan itu terbukti bgt! Frankly, it's more than hard to delete all of that 'unimportant' texts and that damn number. But, I can do it! Riany bisa! Riany mampu!

Muchas gracias, Chess. Aku kagum loh sama karakter kamu, kepribadian kamu hahahaha mungkin Allah yg ngirim kamu buat nyemangatin aku ya. Makasih ngeud :))

-----

If I were a river, maybe I have found my ocean.
Tadi malem juga baru nyadar kalo ternyata ada satu orang yg selalu ada buat aku. Whenever. Di saat aku butuh, bahkan di saat aku ga butuh sekalipun dia ada. Walau kita ga satu sekolah lagi, aku ga pernah takut buat kehilangan dia.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bahasanya Ri... Sinetron bgt.

Skip.

Ibarat sungai, kemanapun dia belok, mau lewatin gunung dan lembah sebanyak apapun, pasti ujungnya ke laut kan? Laut itu kadang tenang, kadang ombak gede, kadang pasang, kadang surut. So does my ocean. Tapi da tetep, sungai butuh laut untuk bermuara.

So glad that I have found mine. Thanks, Ocean.

-----

"kamu cemburu ya?"

dugstak!

Pernah tiba-tiba ditanya gitu sma cowo yg kamu... Care? Ditanya langsung. Pernah? Baru bgt ngalamin gitu and I'm like... Pause. Cengo. Salting pisan.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What a teenage life.


Xo,

M5sin.

P.S: He's soooooooo out of my life <3

From my previous post, I'm pretty sure that you already know how much I love Maroon 5.
Well, Maroon 5 is an American Pop-Rock Band from Los Angeles, California. Haven't heard any Maroon 5's song? How could you...

I started to love Maroon 5 when I was a 10th grader.
One Night, I was listening to 99ers Radio Bandung and Maroon 5's song titled Better That We Break were airing that time. I suddenly fell in love with that song. Because of curiousity, I downloaded some of Maroon 5's song and... Maybe you've know what happened next. Yes!!!!!! I'm officially in love with 'em! I love how their song sounds and I love the way Adam sing. Just.. Wow!
Adam is their lead vocalist, Adam Noah Levine. He is a Jew :-( but I still love him! He is so.. He is so.. He is.. I just can't find the perfect word to describe him. HOT! That! He is so damn sexy, not just his look but also his voice. He has a lot of tatto all over his body and I like his tiger so much. Rawr. From his tweets, @adamlevine, I saw that he has good sense of humor. Who doesn't love a guy with good sense of humor??!?!?! Adam Levine is just too beautiful to be true.
I ain't a good fans actually because I still don't have one of their album. So sad. Doesn't mean I don't want to buy one of their but I think I still have a lot of priority to be filled and I shouldn't be wasteful.

I looove Hands All Over album because they sound more mature. Just love it! So love it! You guys really have to listen all of the songs inside of it, you'll love it too, absolutely.

What I like from Maroon 5 is they are different. Different? Which side? All. Their lyrics, their song, their style, their vocalist voice, etc. But different in a good way, of course.


Speechless. I'm so in love with Maroon 5 till idk what I have to say. Just open my heart and you'll know how muuuch I love Maroon 5.




Xo

M5 sin.


P.S: Kaka Aep is gone from school starting next week. Farewell :-) show must go on, huh? Be a train, ka! Train never stops whatever the weather is.

16

It's my 16th birthday.
Kang Pratama Adi Nugraha, thanks for the Angry Bird doll. It's so cute! Just like me.
Nadhira Anjaina, Anisa Fitria Dewi, Rahmawati Nurfatihah, Lauhatul Jannah, Fadhillah Eka Wardhana, Yuni Ayu Amida and etc, thanks for the birthday cake. I love you! Really really love you!!!!!!
And thanks for the birthday wishes from all of you. May Allah bless you all muaaahs!



P.S: German tomorrow. Dear German PPL, I never understand what you're talking about. Sincerely, Poor Me.
P.P.S: Dear God of Math, I HATE TRIGONOMETRI. Sincerely, Stupid Me.


Xo.

Birthday Wishes Post

Yello! It's September 20, 2011. Have you read my post titled "Zombie Disease Is In The House"? Remember my friend named Steven? Today is his birthdaaayy!!!! Happy birthday, Steven Theodorus. Wish you be blessed, have a great one, wish you success, wish you get what you want, wish you get fatter, wish you everything best. Don't be a sekilers anymore ya, keep up your good deeds and keep cengos, mate!!!! \m/ <:-)

Maroon 5 - Runaway

What am I supposed to do with this time?
If there's so many holes, I stay afloat
But I feel out of control
So petrified, I'm petrified

What am I supposed to do to get by?
Did I lose everything I need to survive?
'Cause at 4am, when the sweat sets in
Did you get my message? Did it send?
Or did you just get on with your life?
Oh

[Chorus:]
Oh, I'm taking time to think and
I don't think it's fair for us to
Turn around and say goodbye
I have this feeling when I
Finally find the words to say
But I can't tell you if you turn around
And run away, run away

What am I supposed to do with these clothes?
It's my twisted way of keeping you close
I'm a nervous wreck, I'm a broken man
Did you get my message? Did it send?
Or do you get along on your own?

[Chorus]

And it breaks me down when I see your face
You look so different but you feel the same
And I do not understand
I cannot comprehend
The chills your body sends
Why did it have to end?

[Chorus x2]

Runaway, runaway
Turn around and
Runaway, runaway

Runaway, runaway
But I can't tell you if you
Runaway, runaway
Turn around and runaway